[ Julia’s family often operated the same way, pretending everything was fine and shoving problems under a rug to keep them out of sight. And sometimes… a lot of the time… that problem had been her. So instead of a rug, it had been rehab or a loft far away from the judgmental eyes of Manhattan society and her mother’s social circles and board meetings. But money could only fix so many problems and often couldn’t touch magical or supernatural ones. ]
Yeah, I have no idea how removing it here would work. Or if it even would.
[ Because even if she was able to recreate or get her hands on one of the enchanted bottles, it wasn’t a long term solution. It had been basically a transportation vessel to get the monsters from point A to point B.
She shakes her head at the question, wishing she had a better answer. ]
No, the Monster and his Sister were failed experiments of the Gods that had been locked away because they were too powerful and too dangerous. Able to kill their makers without dealing with any consequences that accompany killing a God -- that’s a different topic. But, the summary is killing a God is typically a very bad idea with horrible aftereffects. I was a passenger when she took over and because I was stuck in a phase between being a Goddess and being human, I was indestructible. It was… It was a perfect storm of horrific proportions and I couldn’t do anything to stop it.
[ Honestly, if Peter and his family had.... lived longer, if he had been able to grow a little older, he likely would have ended up the same way. Sent off, a problem to be escaped from rather than fixed. The issues within the walls of his home ran deep, deeper than any of them ever really knew. Maybe him leaving would have been for the best for everyone. But now, he'll never know. His family are all gone. ]
Jesus. That's...... that's so much. I'm glad it's gone now, though. [ But the damage of that remains, and Peter's just quietly disturbed by the sheer thought of what she's been through. It's certainly no relief, but it does make him feel less... alone. At least someone else understands what it is to have something else inside of them. Although it sounds like her situation was even more terrifying in its ways, being stuck when the thing was in control. At least Peter tends to black out when Paimon's dominant. It's... a small mercy; he doesn't have to be aware of what's happening. ]
If I could just... make sure it won't hurt other people. That's what I'm really scared of. [ His hands knead the material of his jeans again, nervously. ] There are kids here. I've... gotten kind of close to some of them. And sometimes this thing like.... kills animals and stuff? I just don't want it to hurt anybody.
[ His head drops downwards, eyes resting on his lap, miserably. Talking about it does help, but it also makes it all feel so real. ]
I keep thinking this is some nightmare I should wake up from. I don't.... I don't want to be this.
[ If only it was really gone. The memories still stay with her, just like everything else. As for the mention of everyone else here, the kids... the animals. Yeah, this is a level of fucked up she understood. ]
I don't have any really good and healthy tips when it comes to nightmares, but I've lived with those for a long time. Watching people die and feeling responsible is a heavy weight to bear. And having that fear that it could happen again or you could hurt someone else--
[ She has no intention to dump everything on him, but there was an understanding. ]
There was... something that I helped accidentally unleashed on the world, a trickster god who only wanted to bring pain and death on everyone. In my attempts to stop him from hurting anyone else, a lot of other people got hurt in the process. So, all I can offer you is the more you try to control the uncontrollable, the further chance there might be for things to spiral in a way you don't want.
[ She moves to rest a hand on his shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. She wasn't sure if he was a hugger, especially not right now, but whatever comfort she could provide, she would. ]
And trust me, even with access to infinite power, it's impossible to fix everything and save everyone without it possibly setting off a different chain of events that could be worse than what you had. I tried.
[ It definitely doesn't feel like Julia's dumping everything out on him. Quite the opposite, actually: despite all the heavy, terrifying things she says about her world and experience, it... helps. It may not be an immediate solution, it may not make things lighter, but it's impossible for things to feel lighter anyway. What's going on with him isn't something that can just be fixed or helped, and he does know that, and it actually feels better to talk about scary things with someone, than pretend they don't exist. He can't pretend that anymore.
So Peter's looking up at the older girl with wide eyes, listening intently to what she says about trying to control the uncontrollable, and how people just get hurt in the process, and it's his worst fear, hurting anyone else. He's already.... hurt before. He's the reason his little sister is dead. And he might be the reason the rest of his family are, too.
When her hand moves to his shoulder, Peter doesn't flinch away from the touch. It softens something in him, loosens something that's been tightly wedged up under his ribcage, and he swallows, eyes a little wet and hot around the corners. He still isn't used to being comforted, and yet it's something he craves, wants, beneath all of the fear. Her kindness..... means a great deal to him. ]
What should I do? If I can't stop this, should I... just try to stay away from people? [ Though he's tried that to some degree, and it hadn't exactly worked very well. There are certain people he can't keep a distance from. Not if he wants to maintain a relationship with them; he's already made the choice to keep those precious people he's grown so close with here. He can't cast them away. ]
....Or maybe I should... tell people. I don't want to scare them, but... do you think it would it be better? If I tell them?
[ He genuinely looks to Julia for her opinion, for what she thinks on that. There's a deep level of trust in her, even if he's only really meeting her now. The dark things they've both experienced connect them. She understands. ]
crusty af hiatus tags incoming - feel free to ignore
[ Honesty is sometimes the best policy and she was bad at coddling most days. While it was important to choose her words wisely and keep some things to herself, there was power in knowledge. And being uncomfortable for 5 minutes could make a major difference down the road for someone else. Besides, she learned first hand how much avoidance could damage an already horrific situation. She notes the welling of tears in his eyes and knows the feeling. That burden that never gets easier, no matter what.
As for the question. Well. ]
I think trying to stay away from people might have the opposite effect. At least, it has in my life. When I've tried to avoid something or someone, life often decided to put them in my path and make it 10 times worse than if I'd just faced it head on.
As for telling people... [ She sighs, adjusting again on the table. It's a tough one. ]
I think that's situational. Trust your instincts when it comes to people. While I'd hope everyone here would be understanding considering everything else, I don't trust that there still aren't assholes out there. [ So... ]
If you tell someone and it doesn't go the way you expected, let me know and I'll do what I can to help. I just don't think you living in fear of people knowing is healthy long term. And if you're anything like me, you're already struggling with sleeping through the night.
[ It feels like the natural thing to do — or maybe it's what he thinks is the right thing to do — staying away from people. What's... wrong with him is something dark and twisted, and a single word keeps whispering itself against his mind. Evil. There's something he thinks is evil in him, and doesn't that make him.... evil, too? Dangerous and horrible and evil.
But it... hurts, to stay away. He has detached some, it's inevitable, but locking himself completely away on his own.... hurts. He thinks of Luna, whom he'd pulled away from the most, but it couldn't last like that. He doesn't want to lose her. He can't. It's scary to keep her close, knowing what lurks just beneath him, but it's even scarier to think about losing her. She's his best friend, and... and so much more than that. And others here, too; he has people he loves.
There's a little laugh when she says the bit about having trouble sleeping at night — not that it's a humourous thing, but... it's so on the nose. The sound is quiet and a little wet; Peter sniffles seconds after. ]
Yeah. Yeah, I— I think you're right. I'll be careful who I tell, and... how. And I'll let you know for sure.
[ The offer to come to her if there's a problem means a lot. It really, really helps, having someone older, someone wiser, someone to listen to him and to offer advice in return. For all of the problems Peter had with his family, he... misses them. He misses being able to go to his dad for advice, and he's reminded of him now, talking to Julia like this. His father hadn't been the most outwardly loving person, but he'd had a... softness, a quietness. He'd listened.
The teen runs the back of his hand across his face, sniffling again. ]
Thank you. For listening. I'm— it's nice not to feel so alone.
[ There's a little smile, slightly watery. He isn't embarrassed that he's tearing up a bit; he doesn't really have it in him to feel shame for things like that anymore. ]
no subject
Yeah, I have no idea how removing it here would work. Or if it even would.
[ Because even if she was able to recreate or get her hands on one of the enchanted bottles, it wasn’t a long term solution. It had been basically a transportation vessel to get the monsters from point A to point B.
She shakes her head at the question, wishing she had a better answer. ]
No, the Monster and his Sister were failed experiments of the Gods that had been locked away because they were too powerful and too dangerous. Able to kill their makers without dealing with any consequences that accompany killing a God -- that’s a different topic. But, the summary is killing a God is typically a very bad idea with horrible aftereffects. I was a passenger when she took over and because I was stuck in a phase between being a Goddess and being human, I was indestructible. It was… It was a perfect storm of horrific proportions and I couldn’t do anything to stop it.
cw: mention of animal death (nondescriptive)
Jesus. That's...... that's so much. I'm glad it's gone now, though. [ But the damage of that remains, and Peter's just quietly disturbed by the sheer thought of what she's been through. It's certainly no relief, but it does make him feel less... alone. At least someone else understands what it is to have something else inside of them. Although it sounds like her situation was even more terrifying in its ways, being stuck when the thing was in control. At least Peter tends to black out when Paimon's dominant. It's... a small mercy; he doesn't have to be aware of what's happening. ]
If I could just... make sure it won't hurt other people. That's what I'm really scared of. [ His hands knead the material of his jeans again, nervously. ] There are kids here. I've... gotten kind of close to some of them. And sometimes this thing like.... kills animals and stuff? I just don't want it to hurt anybody.
[ His head drops downwards, eyes resting on his lap, miserably. Talking about it does help, but it also makes it all feel so real. ]
I keep thinking this is some nightmare I should wake up from. I don't.... I don't want to be this.
no subject
[ If only it was really gone. The memories still stay with her, just like everything else. As for the mention of everyone else here, the kids... the animals. Yeah, this is a level of fucked up she understood. ]
I don't have any really good and healthy tips when it comes to nightmares, but I've lived with those for a long time. Watching people die and feeling responsible is a heavy weight to bear. And having that fear that it could happen again or you could hurt someone else--
[ She has no intention to dump everything on him, but there was an understanding. ]
There was... something that I helped accidentally unleashed on the world, a trickster god who only wanted to bring pain and death on everyone. In my attempts to stop him from hurting anyone else, a lot of other people got hurt in the process. So, all I can offer you is the more you try to control the uncontrollable, the further chance there might be for things to spiral in a way you don't want.
[ She moves to rest a hand on his shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. She wasn't sure if he was a hugger, especially not right now, but whatever comfort she could provide, she would. ]
And trust me, even with access to infinite power, it's impossible to fix everything and save everyone without it possibly setting off a different chain of events that could be worse than what you had. I tried.
no subject
So Peter's looking up at the older girl with wide eyes, listening intently to what she says about trying to control the uncontrollable, and how people just get hurt in the process, and it's his worst fear, hurting anyone else. He's already.... hurt before. He's the reason his little sister is dead. And he might be the reason the rest of his family are, too.
When her hand moves to his shoulder, Peter doesn't flinch away from the touch. It softens something in him, loosens something that's been tightly wedged up under his ribcage, and he swallows, eyes a little wet and hot around the corners. He still isn't used to being comforted, and yet it's something he craves, wants, beneath all of the fear. Her kindness..... means a great deal to him. ]
What should I do? If I can't stop this, should I... just try to stay away from people? [ Though he's tried that to some degree, and it hadn't exactly worked very well. There are certain people he can't keep a distance from. Not if he wants to maintain a relationship with them; he's already made the choice to keep those precious people he's grown so close with here. He can't cast them away. ]
....Or maybe I should... tell people. I don't want to scare them, but... do you think it would it be better? If I tell them?
[ He genuinely looks to Julia for her opinion, for what she thinks on that. There's a deep level of trust in her, even if he's only really meeting her now. The dark things they've both experienced connect them. She understands. ]
crusty af hiatus tags incoming - feel free to ignore
As for the question. Well. ]
I think trying to stay away from people might have the opposite effect. At least, it has in my life. When I've tried to avoid something or someone, life often decided to put them in my path and make it 10 times worse than if I'd just faced it head on.
As for telling people... [ She sighs, adjusting again on the table. It's a tough one. ]
I think that's situational. Trust your instincts when it comes to people. While I'd hope everyone here would be understanding considering everything else, I don't trust that there still aren't assholes out there. [ So... ]
If you tell someone and it doesn't go the way you expected, let me know and I'll do what I can to help. I just don't think you living in fear of people knowing is healthy long term. And if you're anything like me, you're already struggling with sleeping through the night.
I'll backtag into infinity!!
But it... hurts, to stay away. He has detached some, it's inevitable, but locking himself completely away on his own.... hurts. He thinks of Luna, whom he'd pulled away from the most, but it couldn't last like that. He doesn't want to lose her. He can't. It's scary to keep her close, knowing what lurks just beneath him, but it's even scarier to think about losing her. She's his best friend, and... and so much more than that. And others here, too; he has people he loves.
There's a little laugh when she says the bit about having trouble sleeping at night — not that it's a humourous thing, but... it's so on the nose. The sound is quiet and a little wet; Peter sniffles seconds after. ]
Yeah. Yeah, I— I think you're right. I'll be careful who I tell, and... how. And I'll let you know for sure.
[ The offer to come to her if there's a problem means a lot. It really, really helps, having someone older, someone wiser, someone to listen to him and to offer advice in return. For all of the problems Peter had with his family, he... misses them. He misses being able to go to his dad for advice, and he's reminded of him now, talking to Julia like this. His father hadn't been the most outwardly loving person, but he'd had a... softness, a quietness. He'd listened.
The teen runs the back of his hand across his face, sniffling again. ]
Thank you. For listening. I'm— it's nice not to feel so alone.
[ There's a little smile, slightly watery. He isn't embarrassed that he's tearing up a bit; he doesn't really have it in him to feel shame for things like that anymore. ]