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Deerington Inbox

"Can't pick up the phone right now, you know the drill."

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[ Julia gets that, as someone who has been fiercely independent most of her life. Leaning on other people was admitting a weakness it took her a long time to face. But, she’d surrounded herself with some pretty great people and she’d attempted trust and honesty. Talking through things as a group rather than just doing it herself and figuring it out as she went. It made a difference. And it’s a difference she’d be willing to make for someone else if needed. She was in a place now where that wasn’t a daunting task.

And being a niffin is a terrifying idea, but Alice wasn’t the only one with skeletons that could rattle a person to their core.

Ushering him to the couch, she cranks the AC which was already set sort of low and grabs a few bottles of water. Unscrewing one of them without him asking, she places the open bottle in front of him. Wanting to talk wasn’t what she expected him to request and it catches her off-guard. ]

Sure. We can talk. There’s a doctor I know that I can call as well if you’re sick. Healing isn’t my specialty, but I’ll help however I can. [ She hadn’t tried any healing with the stabilizing gem, but it wasn’t her discipline to begin with so she was already climbing uphill with that one. Sometimes not being a goddess sucked. She couldn’t just snap her fingers and fix something anymore. She couldn’t offer a quicker repair to someone’s pain, but she still saw it. So, dropping everything to help someone in need wasn’t a big ask. Not to her. ]

[ Peter sits down on the couch, grateful for that, given his dizziness has him feeling like he might tip over any moment. The last thing anyone needs is for him to pass out again and her to have to deal with that. .....Or for him to get weak enough for Paimon to take over him. He's already dangerously close to that, probably; every second is one second closer. It's like some... looming darkness consistently present in the corner of Peter's vision — the demon waits in him. He just hopes it doesn't show up right now. ]

Thank you. [ It's said again as he takes that bottle of water, brings it to his lips to take a few gulps. Water's quickly becoming scarce around here. It feels like the town's going to burn them all up. Like the hell this place has been is slowly becoming a literal Hell.

The offer to call a doctor has an immediate reaction in Peter — he flinches, looking nervous. It's some knee-jerk reaction, an aversion to being looked at too closely; he's been... afraid of it. But he slowly calms a bit, seems to talk himself down a little. The concern has shifted for him, hasn't it? From being afraid of doctors to... realising that they can't do anything to really help him. What's wrong with him underneath. ...But voicing that is...hard, and scary. The boy looks reluctant to speak up, like he's having to work himself up to it. ]

....I don't think they can help me. Not... not really help me.

[ He holds a moment of silence, fingers trembling against the sides of the bottle he's holding in his hands. God, he's got to just say it. There's not time to waste, though it feels wrong to just throw this at her all of a sudden. He's sorry he is. ]

....I think... I think you might know something about... possession? At least, I saw around town... [ The words written about her. ]

[ The second 'posession' comes out of his mouth, she might have the opposite reaction he'd have been expecting. There's no revulsion or drawing back away from him to put some distance. Instead, she pulls the coffee table back enough that she can sit in front of him -- her hands gently laying over his as they tremble around the water bottle. Pieces fall into place and yes, medical attention wouldn't be able to fix this. Not really. And given the fact that he was fighting it, this was already very different from possessions in her world. ]

Ok. Yes. I... I was. By a creature that was part of a rejected project from the Gods. [ Her tone is even and calm as she talks, Julia very good at not freaking out. Not anymore. ] Aengus, Bacchus, Heka, and Iris killed the Monster's sister and once they were killed, the monster was able to bring her back. But he needed a body and at the time... I was technically indestructible. I killed a Goddess -- [ Persephone. She'd killed Persephone. And thereby sent Hades into mourning which meant he'd abandoned the Underworld. So. That's fun. ] --with the snap of my finger, we... It was bad. I nearly died getting the sister out of me and my best friend died destroying them.

[ She leaves the name out, but it's the first exposure of a crack in her calm demeanor. ]

Is your possession something new or did you arrive with whatever is inside of you in tow?

Edited 2020-07-28 02:08 (UTC)

[ Peter still isn't... used to this, to talking about it, and so he has no idea what to expect really. Except he realises that he's stunned when the woman moves closer — sitting in front of him, her hands reaching for his, clasping around them almost as though protectively. To steady him. Peter gasps quietly, so quietly that it almost doesn't make any sound. He... wasn't expecting that closeness immediately following a confession of sorts. Because even if he didn't outright come out and say it — I'm possessed — it's pretty obvious, isn't it? What he's asking, the way he's acting...

....and yet she draws closer to him, comforts him immediately. The boy's eyes grow wider, surprised, his heart giving an odd little flip-flop in his chest. He listens to her speak, saying things that sound almost... impossible, except he knows by now that they aren't. Monsters and gods and goddesses.

...Death. People dying, her best friend. He sees the little shift in her when she says that, the glimpse of ache under her repose, and Peter's brows knit, a soft frown tugging at the corners of his mouth. He knows loss, and ache, and it hurts to see it in someone else. ]

I'm sorry. [ Is the first thing he mutters softly, and he sincerely is. What she's gone through all sounds so... huge, so vast, almost incomprehensible. And then comes the answer to that question, the teen's eyes dropping to the coffee table for a moment. ]

I came here with it. It's... it's something that got into me back home. [ He knows that much, by now. And while he still struggles putting it all into audible form, he has to. ]

....It's a demon. I don't know much about it, but I... I know it's a demon. [ There's another pause; his eyes return to Julia's, searching them. ]

Do they have demons where you're from? [ Does she know about those too, among the various other inhuman things she's mentioned? ]

[ If he'd approached her after she'd lost Q here, that part would have gone unsaid. The pain she felt now for that loss was only going to be magnified. So, best to get that out into the open here in this moment.

This story is the tip of the iceberg that has been her life, everything under the surface remaining there. It was all traumatic enough once, there was no point in starting from the beginning and piling on to more and more horrible shit.

As for demons-- she was expecting him to honestly say ghost or something before demons. ]

They exist. I know there are some extremely nasty ones out there, but I-- [ Ok, don't judge her. ] When another friend was dying, Kady and I summoned a demon to try and pull the poison out of him. We fucked up and got Asteroth instead of Astaroth - they're cousins, I guess. Anyways, it was too late.

So, I have a little experience with demons, but not much. [ She's going to go out on a limb here -- ] Is it wanting to take over your body? Does it want to hurt people or just to take control? [ And just as she'd silently asked for no judgment, she offers the same. Her expression still caring and neutral. She just wants the facts so she knows where they're starting. ]

[ Peter's listening intently to that, his eyes going wide all over again — she's summoned a demon before... Holy shit. He's known that the magicians' world involved some pretty bizarre concepts (bizarre to him, anyway), but this is... woah. Though as surprising as it is, and unsettling, Peter finds himself... glad he came to her. Someone who knows about things like this, someone who understands.

(Also, Julia seems like a badass?? Peter will no doubt be coming to her for plenty more help in the future...) ]

I'm... I'm not sure. [ He frowns again, his body tensing with his uncertainty, his worry. ] I think it definitely wants to... take over me? At least, it seems to? But I don't know what it wants to do after that.

[ What its intention is.... Peter has no idea. ]

...But it seems really angry with me? I um.... right before I got here, it.... it broke my nose.

[ He's never told that to anyone before. Ever. People had seen him in his first few months at Deerington, all broken and bruised and sporting a splint on his face, but he'd never told anyone what... caused it. Back then, he'd been too afraid and confused, not understanding, but now he knows. It was the demon. It had taken him, gripped him with violence and force, and it still does display that from time to time, though thankfully, no more broken noses since then. ]

I think it wants me.... gone. [ The boy shudders as he says it, a sensation that ripples up under his skin like a ghost. Knowing there's something inside of him that is so at odds with him is... a weird feeling, a degree of invasive that makes him constantly feel so wrong. ]

You have a strong will, being able to resist it. Especially for this long.

[ She says that both as a compliment and an almost apology. Sometimes it was easier to just roll over and let something happen, but it took strength to get back up and keep fighting. If she could lend him some of her strength, she would. Hell, there might be a spell for it if she can dig through some books and reach out to a few people. ]

It sounds like it wants you to give up. The monsters that possessed me and Eliot had an end goal. They just needed vessels to get through it and fighting the possession wasn't an option. It was like I took a back seat to controlling my body and I'm sure if she could just get rid of me, she would have.

Especially if it's something that hasn't had a physical body for a long time. Are you able to speak with it? Or, I guess, can you hear it speaking to you at all?

[ "Strong will" isn't really a term Peter's ever associated with himself. He's more of a passive person, letting things happen so he can avoid the confrontation that comes with resisting them. But maybe it's true that there is some sort of strength in him.... If there is, he doesn't think it's anything he's done. It's more.... ]

—My friends. My friends here. They're the only reason, I think.

[ People who have watched over him, kept him from being swallowed up. Peter listens to Julia continue to speak, wincing slightly at the words, at what she and Eliot had experienced.... God. ]

We um... We don't really talk to each other. I guess I've been too afraid to try. Sometimes it does... whisper things, but I don't think it wants to talk to me, either. Mostly it makes noises. Like... like my sister used to make.

[ Saying that aloud guts him a bit; his face crumbles slightly. He has no idea that the demon..... is Charlie, in its ways. Or some part of her identity, that the tongue-clucks are simply what it knows. ]

I guess it's trying to upset me? By imitating her.

[ There's a long pause, and then the question he's afraid to hear the answer to, for a few different reasons. ]

How did you and Eliot... get cured? Of what was inside you.

Edited 2020-08-20 14:42 (UTC)

[ Strength doesn't always manifest in the traditional ways people expect. There's resolve in choosing to not make waves and fighting to maintain that status quo as best as someone can. It can be one of the hardest walls to crack for some people. Normalcy was sacred at times, she got that. Especially when it was something they didn't get very often anymore. Doing daily tasks like cooking and cleaning, domestically boring and otherwise tedious to others -- it was a simple thing that allowed the illusion to be maintained that everything was alright. That the world around them wasn't crumbling, ready for collapse at any given moment.

There's a lot of questions that come to mind based on his reaction to mentioning his sister, jumping to her own conclusions if the demon is imitating her to get under his skin. She's not going to make it worse by dragging him through whatever trauma was paired with that more than she has to. Loss was personal and volatile.

His question comes with a loaded answer from her, something she also doesn’t talk about. She’ll leave out a few details like how the monsters were finally destroyed. It wasn’t her story to tell, no that belonged to Quentin. ]

We both almost died. Margo had magical axes that when we were hit with them, allowed the monsters to be pulled out of our bodies and into some heavily enchanted bottles. And then the bottles were thrown basically into the antiverse so someone else couldn’t use them to destroy our world.

[ It's true that choosing not to make waves has been Peter's default for a long time now. Most of that comes from his upbringing, from... the stress that he'd learned was better kept bottled down instead of addressing. "We don't talk about it" was the staple of the Graham Family, and over time, his own defensive and coping mechanisms had formed based on that principle. He runs away from things, but it's... to protect himself.

Except now he can't. Because no matter how far he runs, this thing is here. It's inside of him; he can't escape it.

As Julia relays how she and Eliot were freed from their own possession, Peter's hands knit nervously in his lap. Magical axes... enchantments... The antiverse. He wouldn't know how to handle anything like that. Anything to do with magic and spell and intention. ]

I have no idea how to get rid of my thing. I knew an exorcist here once, but he said it seemed too... powerful to do a usual exorcism on. Plus the fact we don't really know how Deerington works. [ Messing around with this kind of stuff could have dire consequences. ]

...But were there any ways you were able to... keep it under control a little? When you were possessed. [ Maybe he can't get rid of the demon, not yet, but if he could stop it from taking over him... that's a start. ]

[ Julia’s family often operated the same way, pretending everything was fine and shoving problems under a rug to keep them out of sight. And sometimes… a lot of the time… that problem had been her. So instead of a rug, it had been rehab or a loft far away from the judgmental eyes of Manhattan society and her mother’s social circles and board meetings. But money could only fix so many problems and often couldn’t touch magical or supernatural ones. ]

Yeah, I have no idea how removing it here would work. Or if it even would.

[ Because even if she was able to recreate or get her hands on one of the enchanted bottles, it wasn’t a long term solution. It had been basically a transportation vessel to get the monsters from point A to point B.

She shakes her head at the question, wishing she had a better answer. ]

No, the Monster and his Sister were failed experiments of the Gods that had been locked away because they were too powerful and too dangerous. Able to kill their makers without dealing with any consequences that accompany killing a God -- that’s a different topic. But, the summary is killing a God is typically a very bad idea with horrible aftereffects. I was a passenger when she took over and because I was stuck in a phase between being a Goddess and being human, I was indestructible. It was… It was a perfect storm of horrific proportions and I couldn’t do anything to stop it.

[ Honestly, if Peter and his family had.... lived longer, if he had been able to grow a little older, he likely would have ended up the same way. Sent off, a problem to be escaped from rather than fixed. The issues within the walls of his home ran deep, deeper than any of them ever really knew. Maybe him leaving would have been for the best for everyone. But now, he'll never know. His family are all gone. ]

Jesus. That's...... that's so much. I'm glad it's gone now, though. [ But the damage of that remains, and Peter's just quietly disturbed by the sheer thought of what she's been through. It's certainly no relief, but it does make him feel less... alone. At least someone else understands what it is to have something else inside of them. Although it sounds like her situation was even more terrifying in its ways, being stuck when the thing was in control. At least Peter tends to black out when Paimon's dominant. It's... a small mercy; he doesn't have to be aware of what's happening. ]

If I could just... make sure it won't hurt other people. That's what I'm really scared of. [ His hands knead the material of his jeans again, nervously. ] There are kids here. I've... gotten kind of close to some of them. And sometimes this thing like.... kills animals and stuff? I just don't want it to hurt anybody.

[ His head drops downwards, eyes resting on his lap, miserably. Talking about it does help, but it also makes it all feel so real. ]

I keep thinking this is some nightmare I should wake up from. I don't.... I don't want to be this.

Yeah, me too.

[ If only it was really gone. The memories still stay with her, just like everything else. As for the mention of everyone else here, the kids... the animals. Yeah, this is a level of fucked up she understood. ]

I don't have any really good and healthy tips when it comes to nightmares, but I've lived with those for a long time. Watching people die and feeling responsible is a heavy weight to bear. And having that fear that it could happen again or you could hurt someone else--

[ She has no intention to dump everything on him, but there was an understanding. ]

There was... something that I helped accidentally unleashed on the world, a trickster god who only wanted to bring pain and death on everyone. In my attempts to stop him from hurting anyone else, a lot of other people got hurt in the process. So, all I can offer you is the more you try to control the uncontrollable, the further chance there might be for things to spiral in a way you don't want.

[ She moves to rest a hand on his shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. She wasn't sure if he was a hugger, especially not right now, but whatever comfort she could provide, she would. ]

And trust me, even with access to infinite power, it's impossible to fix everything and save everyone without it possibly setting off a different chain of events that could be worse than what you had. I tried.

[ It definitely doesn't feel like Julia's dumping everything out on him. Quite the opposite, actually: despite all the heavy, terrifying things she says about her world and experience, it... helps. It may not be an immediate solution, it may not make things lighter, but it's impossible for things to feel lighter anyway. What's going on with him isn't something that can just be fixed or helped, and he does know that, and it actually feels better to talk about scary things with someone, than pretend they don't exist. He can't pretend that anymore.

So Peter's looking up at the older girl with wide eyes, listening intently to what she says about trying to control the uncontrollable, and how people just get hurt in the process, and it's his worst fear, hurting anyone else. He's already.... hurt before. He's the reason his little sister is dead. And he might be the reason the rest of his family are, too.

When her hand moves to his shoulder, Peter doesn't flinch away from the touch. It softens something in him, loosens something that's been tightly wedged up under his ribcage, and he swallows, eyes a little wet and hot around the corners. He still isn't used to being comforted, and yet it's something he craves, wants, beneath all of the fear. Her kindness..... means a great deal to him. ]

What should I do? If I can't stop this, should I... just try to stay away from people? [ Though he's tried that to some degree, and it hadn't exactly worked very well. There are certain people he can't keep a distance from. Not if he wants to maintain a relationship with them; he's already made the choice to keep those precious people he's grown so close with here. He can't cast them away. ]

....Or maybe I should... tell people. I don't want to scare them, but... do you think it would it be better? If I tell them?

[ He genuinely looks to Julia for her opinion, for what she thinks on that. There's a deep level of trust in her, even if he's only really meeting her now. The dark things they've both experienced connect them. She understands. ]

[ Honesty is sometimes the best policy and she was bad at coddling most days. While it was important to choose her words wisely and keep some things to herself, there was power in knowledge. And being uncomfortable for 5 minutes could make a major difference down the road for someone else. Besides, she learned first hand how much avoidance could damage an already horrific situation. She notes the welling of tears in his eyes and knows the feeling. That burden that never gets easier, no matter what.

As for the question. Well. ]

I think trying to stay away from people might have the opposite effect. At least, it has in my life. When I've tried to avoid something or someone, life often decided to put them in my path and make it 10 times worse than if I'd just faced it head on.

As for telling people... [ She sighs, adjusting again on the table. It's a tough one. ]

I think that's situational. Trust your instincts when it comes to people. While I'd hope everyone here would be understanding considering everything else, I don't trust that there still aren't assholes out there. [ So... ]

If you tell someone and it doesn't go the way you expected, let me know and I'll do what I can to help. I just don't think you living in fear of people knowing is healthy long term. And if you're anything like me, you're already struggling with sleeping through the night.

[ It feels like the natural thing to do — or maybe it's what he thinks is the right thing to do — staying away from people. What's... wrong with him is something dark and twisted, and a single word keeps whispering itself against his mind. Evil. There's something he thinks is evil in him, and doesn't that make him.... evil, too? Dangerous and horrible and evil.

But it... hurts, to stay away. He has detached some, it's inevitable, but locking himself completely away on his own.... hurts. He thinks of Luna, whom he'd pulled away from the most, but it couldn't last like that. He doesn't want to lose her. He can't. It's scary to keep her close, knowing what lurks just beneath him, but it's even scarier to think about losing her. She's his best friend, and... and so much more than that. And others here, too; he has people he loves.

There's a little laugh when she says the bit about having trouble sleeping at night — not that it's a humourous thing, but... it's so on the nose. The sound is quiet and a little wet; Peter sniffles seconds after. ]

Yeah. Yeah, I— I think you're right. I'll be careful who I tell, and... how. And I'll let you know for sure.

[ The offer to come to her if there's a problem means a lot. It really, really helps, having someone older, someone wiser, someone to listen to him and to offer advice in return. For all of the problems Peter had with his family, he... misses them. He misses being able to go to his dad for advice, and he's reminded of him now, talking to Julia like this. His father hadn't been the most outwardly loving person, but he'd had a... softness, a quietness. He'd listened.

The teen runs the back of his hand across his face, sniffling again. ]

Thank you. For listening. I'm— it's nice not to feel so alone.

[ There's a little smile, slightly watery. He isn't embarrassed that he's tearing up a bit; he doesn't really have it in him to feel shame for things like that anymore. ]

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