unsever | Deerington Inbox

[ Dean suggested she come to him? He's not sure how to feel about that. He's not sure how to feel about any of this. ]

He hasn't said much. He's less of a research type and more of a 'hand me the thing and point me in the right direction' kind of guy.

[ She probably already noticed. ]

You should know that I'll do what I can to help, but I don't like this. I know it's a personal thing for you, but now this is about Jack too and he's family.

[ He figures it's probably best just to be upfront about it. ]

Yeah, I got that when he showed up to the coffee shop to talk about this and dropped a gun and a box of bullets on the table.

[ Also the massive roll of his eyes at the mention of having to spend time in the library was a pretty big tip-off that this wasn't his favorite part. ]

It's not personal, not entirely. I lost control of my abilities --
of myself during hide and seek and I killed someone and almost tortured someone else. I need to make sure there's something powerful enough to take me down in case that ever happens again. Jack volunteered to help with making the bullet, but I'd rather not involve him in too much of the process because I don't know what will happen. Also, your brother put some caveats in place that I'm going to do my best to abide by, and my own that if anyone gets hurt in the process of making this, it's me and only me.

I've made a god killing bullet once before and I know it works. If you want the full story of that, I'm not doing it over text. [ She'd promised Dean transparency and she wanted to extend that to Sam. While Dean didn't ask the really hard questions, he'd grilled her enough. And she had a feeling Sam might be a little more thorough. ] Otherwise, if you know of an alternate method, I'm all ears. I'd just rather have a sure thing than a maybe if the time comes that the call has to be made.

Edited 2019-09-14 15:52 (UTC)

[ This makes him slightly more cautiously optimistic about the whole thing maybe not being a complete disaster. Maybe. ]

I understand. I really do. You're not the only one who's done terrible things because of this place screwing around with us, and if it took an insanely powerful weapon to take me down, I'd be doing the same thing you are now. You want to make your own choices while you're still you. I get that.

[ He's... got a lot more experience with things like this than just thanks to the games the town plays with them. This was a thing for him before he ever woke up here, but that's another one that's not easily discussed over text. ]

We can meet up somewhere and talk about this. The library's probably a good place to start, whenever you have time.

I don't know what alternatives we have here, but I'm also going to be looking for anything and everything that can help you two, not kill you.

I work at the library, so whenever is good for you can be good for me.

[ Those sure are words she never thought she'd type.

With Q alive again, she was able to breathe a little easier. While she wanted to help him through the post-death plague... She had a feeling he'd understand if she dipped out for a little bit. There wasn't much she could do anyways. At least, not until they talk through what happened in the dome. Her fingers hover for a moment, rereading the last line. She knew how out of control she'd been just by clicking on an icon. It had been like her shade had been removed again and that terrified her. She'd worked so hard to grow from where she'd started only to have that ripped away from her because of a fucking app. ]

Like I said, I'm open to alternatives as long as they work. As much as I'd like to get this done as soon as possible, I don't want to rush it and miss something or make a mistake.

I work at the high school library.

[ Nerd, meet fellow nerd. If only it was under better circumstances. ]

I'll meet you at yours tomorrow afternoon after school then. I'll bring what I've got so far.

We can focus on what we know, or at least what's worked in the past, and pick up whatever kind of binding magic we can find along the way. Most of these effects only last for so long, if we can keep you locked down then we wouldn't have to do anything more drastic.

[ He pauses, frowning. ]

So who's using this bullet on you, if it comes to that?

[ Small world. Really, what were the odds? She hadn't told Dean she worked at the library, or had she? Was that why he'd suggested Sam? She doesn’t focus on it right now, instead of paying attention to the plans being made and her readiness to get the ball rolling. ]

It would have to be powerful enough to hold a goddess. When my soul was basically fractured back home, I was a monster. They put me in a spelled prison cell and it held me for a little while. Worst case scenario, maybe we can make something like that. It just leaves a lot up to chance. Otherwise, if another world has an alternate, I’m open to trying it.

[ She just wouldn’t have already opted for such a drastic choice if experience had spoken otherwise.

As for the question… That earns one hell of a fucking pause. ]

Dean didn’t tell you? [ She really didn’t want to get in the middle of sibling shit, already feeling a little… No a lot too shit-stirring for her taste. ] Dean agreed to be the one to use it with the condition that I make the bullet without losing my powers. [ The other half was Dean wanting to be present for as much of this as possible and wanting to learn how to make it so he can take that home, but that’s a little more complicated. ]

It's worth looking into. I don't want to leave anyone locked up any longer than we have to, but it's better than killing people. Death has consequences, even here. I've already died once back home, and it... It caused a lot of problems.

[ It's a long story. ]

He didn't go into the details. I guess he figured we would do that.

So what, he's supposed to be the town executioner now?

[ She would be right in assuming that they've already had a tense conversation about this. Sam's trusting his brother not to go off without him, on a suicide mission or no, but there's still a lot about this that makes him uneasy. ]

Killing a god back home also has huge consequences. It's one of the reasons why I ended up never using the bullet when we confronted the god it was intended for. I don't know if it would carry over here, but if we don't have to find out, that's ideal. My goal is to never have to use it, but I'd rather be over prepared than not.

[ The difficult thing with communicating over text is the inability to infer someone's tone. While he might be coming at it from a point of personal frustration, it reads like an actual question she's somehow supposed to know the answer to or feel guilty about. ]

I don't know what else he agreed to do. I only met him about 2 weeks ago. Jack gave me his name as someone he trusted and I'm sorry if that worsened whatever shit you guys might have going on, but if you're going to try and take your familial frustrations out on me, then this conversation is done. I'll figure out another way to do this on my own.

I get that you don't like it, that much is clear, but we're not talking about creating something to end your life in an emergency. I don't like it either, but I can't let anyone else get hurt again if I lose control of myself.

I didn't approach him about this subject lightly just like the decision hadn't been reached back home lightly.

[ She's not going to apologize for reaching out to Dean, though. And she can't apologize for him agreeing to help her. That's a discussion he and Sam need to have. ]

Edited (oops) 2019-09-18 16:22 (UTC)

[ Text does leave things open to interpretation, so he switches over to video instead. He doesn't want her to think that he's just seething quietly at her, because that couldn't be farther from the truth.

Uneasy would be the best way to describe how he feels about all of this now, but he falls back on apologetic at this particular moment since she's obviously feeling harried, like she's in the middle of an argument. There wasn't one, just an uncomfortable conversation, which are a dime a dozen in the Winchester family. It could have been bad, there are definitely points where they've been on opposite sides, but right now the brothers are on the same page. ]

Whoa, what? Sorry if that came across as angry, I'm not taking anything out on you. This is just bigger than I thought it would be and I didn't know. All they told me was that you were going to help make this thing and that it could be used on Jack, they didn't mention that you had the same problem. Being too powerful to stop with conventional means, that is.

I'm not mad at you. I'm not even judging you, I get it. I told you, if this were me, I'd be doing the same thing. The only reason I'm not making plans like that as it is is because it shouldn't take more than normal bullets to kill me if it comes to that.

[ Hopefully by someone who knows what kind of abilities he has. He might lack in sheer power, but he's been a hunter for his whole life, and that knowledge is deadly. ]

I'm not even mad at Dean, I'm just worried about him.

Edited (this made more sense actually) 2019-09-18 17:06 (UTC)

[ She's grateful he flips to video, to caught up in her own hyper-sensitive bullshit to even think of it. Some fucking Ivy League grad she is. She looks tired when she responds, shaking her head. ]

Let's just-- let's start again. Hi, I'm Julia also known as Our Lady of the Tree back home. [ Please never call her that, she's still not used to it. ] I'll tell you everything I told Dean and maybe -- I don't know. I'm sorry for my strong response, this has just been... I never asked Dean to be the one to pull the trigger for anything related to Jack. Just me. I was... [ How does she fucking phrase this? Taking a breath, she tries to focus on a single stream of conscious thought rather than jumping all over the place. ] I was put on the path to god-hood by some shitty circumstances after I didn't use the god-killing bullet on -- I know it works because his step-father, Hades, gave him the gun with the bullet in it for an emergency after he was stripped of his powers. He was still technically a god, unable to die by conventional means, even powerless.

I don't want to mass-produce the bullet. Hell, I'm not even sure I can physically do that. But, I think I might be able to at least make 3. Just in case anything else we can find as an alternate falls through or the bindings, if we can manage that, fail.

[ Our Lady of the Tree? That sounds interesting. She seems to gloss over it, so he won't bug her about that right now. ]

You don't have to apologize. I know this is hard.

[ Hades, a gun with a bullet that could kill a god, it sounds like a weird mash up of things he's had to deal with before. It's probably easy to read in his expression, thoughtful rather than shocked, even though she's only giving him the very basic details of the situation. That's something that he's used to as well, since things have gotten a lot more complicated for him over the past few years. ]

I'm not against having these things on principle, we've got a lot of problems to deal with that we can't take down with just any gun. I just don't want them to get to the wrong person at the wrong time, you know?

[ It's always going to be a messy situation, but he does recognize the necessity here, that's driving her forward with this. ]

And it's nothing on you, but I don't want Dean to have to shoulder this all on his own. He'll do that, if I let him.

It seems Dean and I might have the same problem. [ Julia was very bad at asking for help, it’s why she was so hypersensitive about this whole mess and the restraints for checks and balances Dean had put on her. She was used to working alone, had adjusted some to working with Kady… But working with any more than just a single person had a bad track record for her.

She was getting better with the group back home, but she still felt somewhat out on her own island with occasional visitors. Her path was a lonely one and that was okay. She'd come to terms with it and she was learning to ask for help when needed. If her powers were stable enough, she probably would have tried to recreate the battery on her own, but they weren't and she didn't want anyone getting hurt because she'd tried to take on too much. Besides, even making it, she'd still need someone to pull the trigger since she couldn't trust that she'd be able to do it herself in that moment. ]

As for this possibly falling into the wrong hands, I will do whatever I can to make sure that doesn't happen. There might be a warding spell I can enchant the bullets with so only certain people can touch them. I-- I have experience with going into something with the best of intentions and being tricked back home. That ended with a bloodbath and I can't let that happen again. [ Her voice cracks a little at the end, Julia's head shaking as she focuses on the task at hand. It wouldn't happen, there was no trickster god luring them into a trap. No, she'd made this decision of her own volition. That was her grounding rod through this whole thing. It had to be. ]

I'm starting to see that.

[ He doesn't mean anything critical by it. It's actually said with a touch of a sympathetic smile. He can already tell that she's fighting against the urge to take on too much of this on her own, and by the sound of it she doesn't have anyone she's as used to working with as he is with Dean. They do everything together, and have for a long time. Sure, Dean would like to shelter him from the worst of things like he did when they were kids, but that just doesn't work anymore nowadays.

It's better not to have to fight to be treated like an adult. At least not all the time. ]

It's just going to be hard when any of us could be compromised. We'll just have to keep track of who has them, and if anything happens we've gotta make sure that they're safe.

[ But they shouldn't get too far ahead of themselves, should they? ]

Nothing's gonna be foolproof, we just have to do the best we can.

[ The person she’d have willingly dragged into this mess with her wasn’t here. So, she’d thought about flying solo… But that wouldn’t work with the components of this. ]

We might be able to enchant the boxes to only open after maybe a certain test or something. Maybe not a password, but something. I don’t know. We’ll have to look into it.

My people from home might have some ideas with enchantments we can use and safeguards that might be a little out of the ordinary.

[ And while nothing was really permanent here, there did seem to be long term consequences to death the more it happened. At least from what little she’d managed to glean from conversations. ]

But, I’d also like to do some research before dragging too many people into this. So, I guess maybe we can pick a starting point for tomorrow and then build off of that. [ Choose a direction before pointing people blindly off somewhere. ]

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